i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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