I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Randomize
