who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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