literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
