Will you blow on my dice?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
