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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
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