Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
stfu you slept on the patio!?!