Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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