I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
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