I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
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For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
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Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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