Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
