is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
