I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
