haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
