dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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