Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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