If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
