Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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