What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
