You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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