I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
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