well I can't set my house on fire every night
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
