Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
