is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize