pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
