youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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