I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
