Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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