yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
