There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize