I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
You've changed since you got that strap on
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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