We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
