Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
