Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize