I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
