so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
