she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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