i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
