I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
