He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
