It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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