Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
