If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize