Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
