dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
