Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
