I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
