You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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