like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
