Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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