I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Im part way to drunk.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
