No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
