id be glad to
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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