I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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