No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
