It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
