Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
