Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
