I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
