So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
you win again, gameday.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
