My friends, they love my intelligence
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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