i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
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