Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
should my penis look like a turkey
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
