Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
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