We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
