You really coming over, don't trick.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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