Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
