Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Randomize
