Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Randomize
