and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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