Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
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