Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
