Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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