I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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