Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
