If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
