your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
