good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
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