I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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