I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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