I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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