apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
My ATM looks so different sober.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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