did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
