Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
What drink are we having for lunch?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
sex in a hospital.. check
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
