haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
You can't special order awesome
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
