Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I wish there were birth control emojis
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
